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Meanest

Z: You ALWAYS make me brush my teeth!!!
Me: I know. Why do you think I do that?
Z: Because you’re the MEANEST!!!!

Diarrhea

Z – Diarrhea is your butt throwing up!!

Boys

Mommy, boys are crazy and all they do is hit stuff.

Gift

Mommy, J is the best gift I’ve ever had.  

Jesus

Mommy, when Jesus has lots of things He has to do, does he have time to play with children?

Impatience

Z – Remember, when you get impatient with God, He never gets impatient with you. 

Password

Mommy, I have a secret password that turns me off. But you don’t know it and it’s a really hard word and you have to figure it out.

I’m hungry

Z got really mad at me tonight.

Z: Mommy, I’m hungry. (she had already eaten dinner)
Me: Ok, you can go get some fruit.
Z: I DON’T WANTfruit!!!
Me: Ok. You can have some veggies. There are some cherry tomatoes in the fridge.
Z: You ALWAYS want me to eat HEALTHY FOOD!!! (she’s starting to get angry with me…)
Me: Well, yeah. Why do you think I want you to eat healthy food?
Z: (in her angriest 5 yr old voice, accompanied by tears) BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO BE HEALTHY!!!!! (and then falls to the ground crying)

School

Me:  Z, how was school today?

Z:  It was great!  I learned lots of stuff!

Me:  What did you learn?

Z:  I can’t remember.

Skinny Jeans

Z – Mommy, I want skinny jeans.
Me – Skinny jeans?  WHERE did you learn about skinny jeans? 

Z – My friend “D” has some

Me – Do you even know what skinny jeans are?

Z – Yeah.  They’re like this.  (and proceeded to pull the jeans tight around her leg)

Me –  YOU’RE FIVE!  You should NOT be concerning yourself with SKINNY jeans.